What I will take away most from the last 6 months is this; letting go. Letting go of convention, of material things, expectations, mistakes and regrets, worry, of struggle, control, of everything negative that has wormed its way into my life.
It’s still a work in progress. I’m still a work in progress.
I want these last 6 months to keep my inspired for a long time. Remind me that if I set my mind to something I can do it.
It’s about surrendering myself over to something bigger than myself. I can only control so much and the rest is not worth worrying about. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t something else is on it’s way.
Kinda sounds like I’ve handed in my give-a-damn card. Maybe in some respects I have. It feels good, dare I say liberating, not to care about those things anymore. I was wasting a lot of energy on things that were never, or could ever, change. Worrying that I wasn’t a good enough mother because my kids have tablets, watch tv, and can name all the skylanders. Or letting them eat McDonalds and my son hating vegetables. Feeling like less of a woman because I haven’t had a paying job in 8 years. Beating myself up because I’m not a published author. Listening to the media that says I should be a size 4 after having my kids, and being disappointed with what I see in the mirror.
Worry worry worry. Blah blah blah. Crap Crap Crap.
Shutting out the noise that’s been distracting me from what’s important has been hard. But I’m on my way. I know I’m on the right road. The other day I asked my kids what they liked best about themselves and they replied, ‘everything.’
‘Let life happen to you. Believe me: Life is in the right, always.’ -Rainer Maria Rilke
It’s true, I think.